THIS IS NOT A STANDARDIZED PSYCHOLOGICAL TEST--INSTEAD IT IS A SELF-EVALUATION TOOL TO HELP YOU TO BETTER UNDERSTAND YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

1. ARE YOU COMMITTED TO YOUR PARTNER?

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NO ..........................................VERY COMMITTED

If you and your partner have a commitment then you have both DISCUSSED the decision to be together and to actively work on your relationship.

2. ARE YOU ABLE TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY ABOUT REAL ISSUES WITH YOUR PARTNER?

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NOT EFFECTIVE ..................................EFFECTIVE

Being able to communicate openly about important and difficult issues is vital to the preservation of your relationship. Think about how many areas you feel you cannot or will not discuss with your partner. How safe do you feel bringing up issues that are hard to say? If you have trouble in this area, then it is vitally important that you learn to communicate effectively and a therapist can be extremely helpful.

3. DO YOU HAVE SIMILAR VALUES AND GOALS?

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NO ................MOSTLY ....................................YES

Many couples do not discuss what they want out of their relationship and what they want it to be like in the future. It is critical that you know what is important to your partner and what you both want out of being together.

4. IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP A PRIORITY IN YOUR LIFE?

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OTHER THINGS ..............................#1 PRIORITY

COME FIRST

Is your job, your car, or your hobby, more important than your relationship? How much time do you put into each? What would you say is the most important thing in your life? In order for a healthy, loving relationship to survive, it must be your number one priority.

5. DO YOU HAVE AN INNER FEELING THAT YOUR PARTNER IS THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU?

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NOT SURE ..........................................DEFINITELY

Couples in love say that they have a deep inner feeling that they are with the right person. If you do not feel this, then consider the reasons that your partner does not seem right. If you are staying together just because you are afraid to leave, then talk to a therapist for guidance.

6. DO YOU HAVE A GOOD UNDERSTANDING OF YOUR SELF, YOUR STRENGTHS, WEAKNESSES, DESIRES, AND WHAT YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP?

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NOT SURE .......................CLEAR SELF-UNDERSTANDING

Do you understand how your upbringing affects your current relationship? Do you know why you picked the partner that you did and why your past relationships did not work out? Do you know how your past relationships and expectations affect your current relationship? Therapy can go a long way toward clarifying these issues.

7. DO YOU HAVE A SATISFYING SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP?

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NEVER ..................MOSTLY .....................ALWAYS

If you have a satisfying, loving, physical relationship, then this will bring you and your partner closer together. Do you find that it is easy to talk about sexual issues? Many people have strong emotions in this area and even little things, when not discussed, can lead to big problems. Therapy can be very helpful when a couple is having sexual problems and often the sexual relationship becomes much more satisfying in a very short time.

8. DO YOU OR YOUR PARTNER USE DRUGS OR ALCOHOL?

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OFTEN .......OCCASIONALLY .....................NEVER

When drugs (whether prescription or illegal) or alcohol are used to excess, this can put an enormous strain on your relationship. It is important to get help for substance abuse if you want to have a healthy relationship. Contact a therapist even if it is your partner with the problem.

9. DO YOU HAVE SIMILAR INTERESTS?

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1 OR 2 .....................SOME ...........................MANY

New couples often consider a great sexual connection to be enough to sustain a relationship. Other people think that if they finally get the beautiful or successful person that they wanted, then that is enough to build a relationship. In reality, you both have to like to do many the same things in the same way because you will be spending a lot of time together.

10. ARE THERE MANY STRESSES ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW?

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HIGH STRESS ..................................LOW STRESS

There are many sources of stress for a relationship and not all of them are bad. Getting married, having a child, and moving to a bigger house are all examples of good things that cause a lot of stress. Consider how many stresses exist in your relationship right now. A therapist is often most helpful during times of high stress and crisis.

11. DO YOU HAVE A WAY TO GET HELP WHEN YOU GET STUCK IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

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NO SUPPORT ..................MANY AVENUES OF SUPPORT

Classes were never taught about how to have a relationship and most people have only seen poor relationship role models. It is inevitable that you will run into situations that neither you, nor your partner knows the solution. Therefore, it is good to know someone who can help you to figure things out when problems get tough. Friends or family members can be helpful for you individually, but it is best to find a therapist for dealing with a problem as a couple. This is especially true if your partner feels that you and the person trying to help the relationship are in an unfair alliance.

12. DO YOU SHARE YOUR NEEDS AND FEARS WITH YOUR PARTNER?

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NEVER ............SOMETIMES ........................OFTEN

If you only share your superficial thoughts with your partner, then you will not have a deep, intimate connection. Sharing what you want is important for getting what you want. Sharing your fears is important for deepening your relationship. A therapist can be helpful in guiding you gently through this process.

13. DO YOU WISH THAT YOUR PARTNER WOULD CHANGE?

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MANY........................................MINOR CHANGES

SIGNIFICANT AREAS

If you have the idea that your partner is not exactly the right person for you but that he or she will "come around," then you are not in the relationship for the right reasons.

14. DO YOU ACTIVELY PUT ENERGY INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

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NO .....................................................VERY MUCH

Do you spend time thinking about your partner and what her or his needs are? Do you think of activities for you and your partner to do together? Do you make time for your partner?

RESULTS: Go through each question on the test and decide if you would like to improve your score. If you are content with the score that you received in each area, and so is your partner, then couples counseling probably would not be helpful at this time. But if only one partner decides that therapy is necessary, then you both need to get help. If your partner refuses to go to therapy, then go alone and learn the best ways to deal with the relationship from your perspective. If you are unclear about whether or not you both need therapy after taking this test, then talk to a counselor. In order to have a strong connection; you must be clear with yourself and your partner about each area mentioned in this test. For most people, that is very difficult. However, if you value your relationship and it is a priority, then you need to make the effort to nurture your relationship to make it grow. Finding a couples therapist: 1-800-THERAPIST is a congressionally awarded, referral service which will help you to select an experienced and highly qualified couples therapist.