It is usually a great help to have a professional motivate you. But if you are able to motivate yourself then you may be able to avoid the time and cost of therapy.

Take the following Self Therapy Test to determine how well you are currently caring for your own emotional well being. If you answer yes to all the following questions and you are still having problems, then you should speak with a specialist.

THE SELF THERAPY EVALUATION

1) ARE YOU EXERCISING ENOUGH?

Proper exercise has shown in most studies to be extremely helpful to your mental health. It not only reduces stress but also can help alleviate mild depression and anxiety. If you have not been exercising at all, then consult a doctor before you begin. Many people come into therapy saying, "Well, I used to exercise and it felt really good, but now I just don't have the time or motivation." A therapist can help by setting up exercise goals, but if you can motivate yourself to exercise 3 times a week for at least 25 minutes, then you may find improvements with your emotional problems.

2) ARE YOU TAKING TIME TO NURTURE YOURSELF?

Many emotional problems arise out of the simple fact that we forget to take care of ourselves. Ask yourself, "What have I done lately to care for myself?" If you answer this question with a statement such as, "Who can find the time?" or "I don't need to take time for myself," then you may discover dramatic results with forcing yourself to set aside some time for self-nurturing.

SELF-NURTURING CHECKLIST

WRITE DOWN THE NUMBER OF TIMES THAT YOU HAVE DONE THE FOLLOWING IN THE PAST WEEK

In order to count an item, the experience checked off must have resulted in your feeling relaxed and in a better state of mind than when you started. Watching television does not count. Exercise does not count because it was mentioned previously. Even if you exercise regularly, you still need to include the following in your lifestyle.

CRAFTS

HOBBIES

SPORTS

SPORTING EVENTS

MEDITATION OR OTHER RELAXATION TECHNIQUES

SPIRITUAL OR RELIGIOUS PRACTICES (such as going to church)

NATURE EXPERIENCE

RELAXING TO MUSIC OR A RELAXATION TAPE

WRITING FOR PLEASURE

WRITING IN A DIARY OR JOURNAL

READING FOR PLEASURE

PLAYING GAMES

VISITING A MUSEUM OR GALLERY

GETTING A MASSAGE

RELAXING IN A HOT BATH OR JACUZZI

TAKING CLASSES THAT YOU ENJOY

VISITING WITH GOOD FRIENDS

GOING TO A MOVIE

TAKING A RELAXING VACATION

SELF-HELP GROUP

You should be doing one of these things for at least 30 minutes 3 times a week. You can do the same thing more than once if you find that as a result, you feel better.

3) EVALUATE YOUR INNER CRITIC.

Put an X on the dotted line indicating how you are feeling about yourself now. Think about the SPIRIT of the statement--not the exact wording.

I AM NO GOOD........................................I AM GOOD

I AM UGLY...............................................I AM ATTRACTIVE

I AM WORTHLESS...................................I AM PRECIOUS

I AM USELESS.........................................I AM USEFUL

I AM A FAILURE......................................I AM SUCCESSFUL

THINGS ARE HOPELESS.........................THERE IS HOPE

I AM BAD.................................................I AM GOOD

I NEVER COMPLETE TASKS.....................I DO WHAT I SET OUT TO  DO

I AM WEAK...............................................I AM STRONG

I AM STUPID............................................I AM SMART

I AM FAT...................................................I AM TRIM

I AM NOT AS GOOD AS OTHERS..............I AM AS GOOD OR  BETTER THAN OTHERS

I CAN'T CHANGE.......................................I CAN CHANGE

I CAN'T GET BETTER.................................I CAN GET BETTER

I WILL BE REJECTED.................................I WILL BE ACCEPTED

I AM WRONG.............................................I AM RIGHT

I CAN'T.......................................................I CAN

I AM A LOSER............................................I AM A WINNER

I WILL DISAPPOINT OTHERS...................I WILL NOT DISAPPOINT OTHERS

I AM INCOMPETENT..................................I AM COMPETENT

I AM UNLOVABLE......................................I AM LOVABLE

Notice how many of your responses are on the left or negative side. These represent the areas where your inner critic is strong and has taken charge. If you have placed a lot of X's on the left side, or there is one particularly strong, negative response on the left side, then you need to strengthen your fight against your inner critic. Use the following suggestions to combat your inner critic.

A. NOTICE YOUR CRITIC. 

Think of your inner critic as your enemy, your demon, your negative part, or whatever description fits for you. It helps to imagine the negative critical part of yourself as a specific kind of adversary so that you can fight against it. You can start to fight it by making the critic a concrete enemy. Notice every time your inner critic is attacking you. It wants to beat you down, so it may have already told you that this exercise is stupid and childish and will certainly never help. It might say, "Your problems are too big to be helped by something as stupid as this." Notice how your inner critic is trying to keep you in a bad place and prevent you from getting help.

Go back to the list above and figure out all of the negative statements that your critic throws at you. WRITE THEM ALL DOWN. At this point, DO NOT be nice to yourself. Do not write down any reasons, justifications, excuses, ifs, ands or butts. Only listen carefully to what your inner critic is saying to you. Make a long list and do not leave any of the negative stuff out.

Notice how your critic is judging you by saying that you won't be able to think of everything. Or it will be too hard. Or if you do it, this won't help. Or you feel too tired, bad, etc.

B. STOP YOUR CRITIC.

This part entails saying "STOP" to your critic. You don't have to feel it or believe it, just do it. If you are a visual person, then picture it. For instance, you could picture a large critical person yelling at you and holding up a large STOP SIGN in front of his or her face. You could picture a continuous play tape with negative messages on it. With a large scissors you cut the tape, severing the negative playback.

If you are more of an auditory person, then picture a person yelling all the negative things (you figured out above) at you and then yell back, "STOP!" The point is for you to get an image that fits for your personality that is forcefully telling your inner critic to "STOP ALREADY!" with the negative statements.

C. REPLACE THE NEGATIVE STATEMENTS WITH POSITIVE STATEMENTS.

Next to all of the negative statements that you wrote down above, write the exact opposite and say it out loud. Have a mini-trial and figure out what you as the "defense attorney" says on your behalf. You may not believe these statements right away, but over time they will begin to influence your unconscious. The positive messages will eventually become stronger than your negative messages and you will begin to feel better about yourself.

This stage is very difficult because your inner critic is so strong and has been in control of your life for so long. You may need help from a therapist to come up with the positive statements. But remember, you do not have to believe these positive statements AT ALL, at first. Just write them down and say them over and over to yourself. They eventually will become a part of the positive new you.

D. PRACTICE FIGHTING BACK AGAINST YOUR CRITIC ON A REGULAR BASIS.

Set up a particular time of at least five minutes each day to write down all of the negative statements and then say, "STOP." Counter the negative statements with positives and say the positive statements over and over to yourself. Do this exercise on a regular basis, but also take time to do it when you are feeling especially down. That is when your critic is working overtime.

It is important to recognize that your critic has no power by itself. It only derives its strength from depleting your healthy life energy--like a parasite trying to exhaust the strength of the host. Take the power back where it belongs!

Michael, age 30, was promoted to a job where he was to begin giving public presentations regularly in front of hundreds of people. His anxiety about the thought of having to speak in public was so high that he could not function. He could not concentrate, he could not sleep, and he found that he was getting very irritable with his wife.

When he discussed the matter further, it became apparent that Michael's inner critic was working overtime smothering the life out of him. He role played the critic and discovered that it was saying, "You'll never be able to do it. You are no good! You are worthless! You will get up in front of everyone and make a fool out of yourself! Your mind will go blank and everyone will laugh at you! You are an idiot! Such a simple thing as talking in front of others and you can't even handle it. You are worthless! You may as well quit. You will never be able to handle your promotion. You are a loser!"

He was shocked to see how hard he was being on himself. But he felt that the inner critic had won and he should just give up the promotion. After working with the above list, he discovered it was possible to fight back against his critic. He worked with a therapist on noticing the critic and saying, "STOP!" Then, with the therapist's help, he took up a position his own defense. As it turned out, Michael had given several successful speeches in the past. And surprisingly Michael remembered that "whenever I set my mind to something, I get it done!"

Michael did not feel comfortable fighting back against the critic at first, but he soon improved. He took the promotion and was successful at his new job--though he did continue to get nervous giving speeches. He realized that his inner critic was paralyzing him and keeping him from doing many things that he enjoyed. Eventually he took up golf which he had previously avoided because he felt he would be a failure.

You too can begin this "inner critic" work. If you get stuck or discouraged, bring in an expert to help you through the rough parts. At 1-800-THERAPIST, we specialize in helping you find this sort of guidance.

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EXERCISE (AT LEAST 3 TIMES A WEEK, 25 MINUTES each)

SELF-NURTURING EXPERIENCE (3 TIMES A WEEK, 30 MINUTES each time)

INNER CRITIC WORK (EVERYDAY, 5 MINUTES per day and when you are feeling especially down)

The total time allotted for you to care for yourself is less than 4 hours in a week which contains 168 hours. What you need to do is to get a calendar and mark down when you are going to do each of these self-therapy exercises. This can cause a dramatic change in your life. Remember that whatever you were doing before, wasn't working. Chances are that you weren't making yourself a priority.

If you do not feel better when you have tried this program for a few weeks, then you will be sure that you need the help of a professional. For most people, the difficult part is the self-discipline, but if you can stick to the above schedule, then you will notice results.

At the very least, you will be able to tell your therapist, "Here is what I have tried, here is how I have been doing it, and here are the results." You will begin your therapy from a point where you can get the most out of talking to a professional, instead of having the specialist take several sessions to tell you how to do the above basic exercises.